I Lost $500 on a Slot… Then Found Myself

I used to think winning was a math problem.

Every night, I’d sit at the slot machine like it was a drum solo—waiting for that one perfect combo, convinced that if I just played long enough, the universe would reward me. I tracked every spin like a rhythm in a Brazilian carnival: reds and blues flashing, coins dropping like rain on Chicago’s West Loop pavement.

Then came the night I lost $500.

No jackpot. No bonus card. No ‘luck trend.’ Just silence.

And that silence? It spoke.

I started asking: What am I really chasing?

Not money. Not patterns. Not algorithms designed to make me feel special.

I was chasing the feeling of being seen—even by machines that don’t care.

So I quit.

Not because I lost.

But because I finally remembered who I was before the screen lit up.

Now? I design games for others who’ve been there too.

I don’t sell wins anymore—I sell presence.

The real bonus? The pause between spins—the breath you take when everything goes quiet.

The real jackpot? Waking up alone… and choosing to show up again tomorrow—not because you’re due for luck—but because you’re ready for yourself.